The Night the Transformer Blew...

I awoke from my sleep at three o'clock in the morning to the sound of a transformer in the final moments before it blows. You know that sound?  The loud buzzing noise that a transformer makes when the electricity is running too high and the transformer is no longer able to control the wattage.  That noise.

I shot out of bed and ran straight for the window, pulling open the shutters and checking the side of the house and the street for any sign of trouble. There wasn't anything wrong. So I opened the bedroom door and found that the noise seemed to be radiating throughout the entire house. It was loud.

So I searched.

I went to the kitchen first and opened all the shutters checking the side of the house, the neighbors house and angled my head just right so I could see the big transformer that sits behind our neighborhood grocery store. It's huge. It's the transformer in our town that usually blows once a year during a bad snow storm. There was nothing wrong with it.  No sparks. No massive flashes of blue light. No other neighbors looking out the windows for the sound of this buzzing noise that was obnoxiously loud and causing me serious concern.

If the noise wasn't coming from outside then it had to be coming from inside.  An electrical surge was pulsating through the walls of my pretty little home and it was important that I find it, or the appliance that was causing the problem, before a fire started and we were forced out into the streets with nothing but the clothes on our backs and two little puppies that have no idea how good they have it.

So I did what any wife would do... I woke up Richard.

"Richard! Wake up! There's a noise in the house."

"Wha... What?"

"WAKE UP!"

"What's wrong? Where's the noise?"

"Can't you hear it?"

"Hear what?"

"That buzzing noise. It sounds like an appliance is about to blow."

"What appliance?"

"I don't know. I can't figure out which one it is, but I know its not outside. It's in the house. Can't you hear the noise?"

"Maybe it's the ceiling fan in your room..."

PAUSE:  Yes, he said "your room". I sleep in the guest room because Richard snores. Really loud. And I like to sleep. Uninterrupted. It really isn't a big deal. We've tried the together thing, but I always end up having to leave so I just started going to bed in the guest room every night.  Okay?

Now, where were we?

That's right. Richard goes to my room and turns off the ceiling fan, but it didn't make any difference in the buzzing sound that was still radiating throughout the entire house.  So we moved our search to the kitchen since that's where the most expensive and high voltage items are.  (That should probably read wattage or something, but what do I know. I ain't no electrician.)

We're in the kitchen. All the shutters are open. Me searching the appliances while Richard stands at the kitchen table insisting there is no noise.

"Sweetheart, look. I really don't hear anything. What does the noise sound like again?"

"It's the buzzing noise. You know that noise that transformer behind the supermarket makes every year during the snow storms. It's like that, but constant. It hasn't stopped since it woke me. I really don't know why you can't hear it."

And that's when the lights went on. Not in the house. We were totally standing around in our undies in the dark. It was the light in my head. That light bulb moment that comes when you have that one perfect thought of clarity.  We've all had it. I was having that moment right then.

It was right after Richard called me sweetheart that I noticed this noise, this buzzing obnoxiousness that was radiating in my house, never seemed to get louder or quieter no matter where I went. It was a consistent volume.

Loud. Loud. Loud.

So I did it. I did the only thing I could think of to solve the mystery of the transformer that was ready to blow.

I shoved a finger in each ear.

Amazing.

Not only is the noise still the same... my finger is vibrating.  Holy Crapoli! The noise was coming from me.

"Richard.  The noise is coming from my ear. It's still loud when I put my finger in it and my finger actually vibrates a little."

"Your ear? If it's that loud we should take you the hospital."

"I'm not going to the hospital!"

"Why?

"Go to the hospital and do what? Tell them I'm hearing noises in my head?  They'll think I'm crazy."

Yep, crazy.  I searched the house with my spouse for thirty minutes looking for a noise that was inside my head the entire time. The noise was so loud I'm still surprised Richard didn't hear it when he was standing next to me.

In the end we both went back to bed. Richard went to his room and I went to my room and I rolled over on my side. It took about an hour before the pressure built up in my ear and then after some little crackling noises my ear started to drain fluid.

A crackle here, a crackle there... zzzz zzzzz zzzzzz.

Quiet.