A Life With No Mother

I've often wondered how much different my life might have been if I had been given the opportunity to be raised in a family with both a mother and a father.  Our mother died at the at of 36. She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer shortly after my birth.  I was a day into my third year when she passed away and it was a tragedy that my father and older siblings never recovered from.   My father struggled with alcoholism and tried desperately to keep his family together.  Our father worked for an ocean towing company and wasn't home much of the time.  We were left in the care of abusive housekeepers and on more than one occasion a stepmother.   My two older sisters ran away from home and started having children while in their early teens and my eldest brother became a meth addict. They have all, at one time or another, blamed our lives on the death of our mother.  To this day, the blame is still present.  Our mothers loss, though great, didn't have the same affect on me.  Not having the opportunity to know what it was like to have my mother in my life, I've never shared this reasoning with my siblings.  I've never blamed my failures or disappointments on her death.  Sorry, but there are times in life when things just don't go as we planned.  Most of the time, for me, my own decisions are often the reason for the sorrow at the moment.  But I still wonder. What would it have been like to have a mother to come home to?    Would things really have been that much different?  If  Breast Cancer hadn't taken her life would our parents have remained married or would a divorce  been part of our life instead?  There will always be questions, won't there?

I might not have had my mother around growing up, but I was fortunate to have great friends with great families, and equally great mothers.  I can count on both hands the many women that for both brief and extended times, played the part of mother.  They are women that I cherish and truly love.  I am a much better woman today for having been blessed to have them in my life.  I like to think that my mother is grateful for their influence on me as well.   

So, why all the talk of death and mothers?  Well, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I thought I would debunk some myths about the disease by sharing information from the Breast Cancer Awareness Month website.  The following is taken from their link.

Myth: Only older women get breast cancer

Fact: Although the risk of breast cancer does increase as women age, women of all ages can and do get breast cancer. According to BreastCancer.org, a non-profit that provides up-to-date research and information about breast cancer online, "the risk of getting breast cancer over the course of an entire lifetime is one in seven, with an overall lifetime risk of 14.3 percent."

Myth: Having a risk factor for breast cancer means that you will get the disease

Fact: Women who have risk factors, such as a gene abnormality associated with breast cancer, will not always develop the disease. According to BreastCancer.org, "of women with a BRCA1 or BRCA2 inherited genetic abnormality, 40 to 80 percent will develop breast cancer over their lifetime; 20 to 60 percent won't."

Women who change their lifestyle by quitting smoking, reducing alcohol consumption, maintaining a healthy weight, eating plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, exercising regularly, reducing stress or adding physically and mentally restoring practices such as walking, yoga, meditation or t'ai chi, can significantly reduce their risk of getting breast cancer.

Myth: If a woman doesn't have a history of breast cancer in her family, she won't get it

Fact: About 80 percent of women who are diagnosed with breast cancer have no history of the disease in their family. The greatest risk factors women face for getting breast cancer are being female, getting older and being overweight.

I'm a beautiful 40 year old woman that has been having mammograms yearly since I was first suspected of having breast cancer at the age of 25.   Thankfully, the diagnosis was incorrect.   So with all this being written on my very personal blog, I encourage all my female friends and female readers of this blog to do your self exams, see your doctors on a regular basis, and never underestimate the importance of a mammogram.  I'm just asking that you do your part to make sure you are around for many, many years as a daughter, sister, mother, grandmother...  This really is important!